The Antidote

There is an old saying that holding on to resentment like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. For some reason that saying always reminds me of the poisoning scene in the "Princess Bride" which makes me smile but then I force myself to be serious because to not forgive someone is a sin and sin is bad, allegedly. It also reminds me of how dramatically my unwillingness to forgive others has effected my life. It has at times cost me energy, sleep, friends, and peace of mind. That is why it is so dangerous. The foundation of why we don't forgive lies in our own pride and selfishness. We allow ourselves to come to a point where we believe our feelings and emotions surrounding the situation are the most important thing to be considered. We would rather than wallow in the misery of our bitterness than deal with our pride and move beyond the hurt and pain to a place of healing and restoration.
I had a million ways to rationalize why I didn't need to forgive, mainly that I was the one who was wronged and why should I forgive someone who had done wrong to me. It took me a long time to understand that the anger and bitterness that I held on to like a security blanket were destroying me. While they were destroying me I found that those that I was so upset with were living content lives, not even realizing how angry I still was. This realization brought me to a place of understanding that I could either hold on to my need to be right and vindicated or I could forgive and find peace and contentment. Over the past two years I have sought out the opportunity to sit down with several people who I really held resentment towards for things that I felt they had done to me that were wrong, not to seek an apology from them, but to seek forgiveness for the things that my resentment brought out in me around them. I can tell you that I have never felt such peace and contentment as I do today, I am no longer a prisoner to angst and bitterness, I have found forgiveness and as a result of that have chosen to forgive. It doesn't mean that those relationships will ever be what they once were but it does mean that no one else has control over my life, forgiveness has allowed me to take that back and to set my own course.
I hope as Henley says in Invictus you will be able to say. "I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."