Just a little confession to kick off with today. I like to watch certain people fail, there I said it. I know, I know, I am sure that I am the only one who ever feels this way but there are certain people who I just don't particularly care for and it gives me a real sense of satisfaction when they fail. Having said that, let me also say that I realize how distorted that is and how that is not the attitude that a good Christian should have. My conclusion then is that I am a horrible Christian and guess what, I'm okay with that.
The realization that no matter how hard I try, I never get any closer to God or more like Christ through my own efforts is a liberating place to come to. I realize that my best efforts have left me in utter failure and that instead of being hopeless I can find hope in the reality that I am unable to be like God on my own. My best attempt at being good have fallen short and as long as I find shame and guilt in my own failure then I am going to revel in the failure of others because it allows me not to feel so bad about my own failures. It is when I come to terms with my own need for God that I am freed to love others and to wish and work for their best as well. It is here that I come to understand what Jesus meant when he said that I have to give up life in order to keep it. I am powerless and as long as I live in that I want others to be powerless as well. When I assent to my need for God's help however, it frees me to want the best for others.
The writer of Proverb understood this when he said, "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles" in chapter 25 and as I continue this journey toward wisdom, I wish you the best in all that you do.
P.S. I actually mean it now.
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