This has really been a week of up and down emotions for me. It started great as I got to go home to Panama City and spend a few days with Susan, Aiden, and Rylee but then on Tuesday when I flew back here to Virginia Beach it seemed to plummet. I stepped right back in to a place where I really don't know anybody yet and am struggling to find a job, in short, it just hasn't worked out in the way that I had planned it in my mind.
I am not normally someone who finds myself depressed, but I could just feel the weight of it sit down on me the last few days. I caught myself just complaining to God about everything, about how it wasn't fair and that he should realize how much I am giving up to follow Him and then, I heard how ridiculous I sounded. It reminded me of several Psalms where David goes on and on about the sorry condition of his life to God but then I remembered, David always followed those complaints up with a remembrance of what God had done and was promising to do. So, I want to be a man after God's own heart, and I figured to combat the negative, I would recollect the positive.
I don't always have to be happy, but I always want to be content. The difference, happiness is based on emotion and the moment, contentment is the recognition of the soul that God is in control and everything is fine as I follow Him (in other words things will not always be like they are right now, good or bad). So I am writing a gratitude list of three things each day this week, things that I can thank God for and make my focus. What we focus on dictates where we go and whether we enjoy the journey. What are you focusing on and how are you enjoying the journey?
P.S. If you look for the negative you will always find it, but if you look for the positive you will always find that as well, the difference is you might enjoy the search.
I'm grateful for:
1. An incredible wife who has shown grace and understanding that I don't think I could
2. People who have encouraged me when I couldn't find it in myself
3. 85th chances
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